192461

Joke of the Day

"Cop: You look pretty beat up, how many attackers did you say there was? [flashback to me showing the cat my nunchuk skills] Me: Easily 10"

Next Joke
 
"Why are carbon chains with two double bonds so sad? Because they're diene"
"Accidentally called 911. Set my house on fire to not look stupid."
"What's it called when a smart girl jerks you off? A stroke of genius!"
"What do you call a man who opens the car door for you? A chauffeur."
"What is the collective noun for children? A migraine."
"Why can we never actually see the sun? Because it's in da-skies!"
"THERAPIST: what's the problem? WIFE: he objectifies women ME: [trying to stuff bread into her armpit] toaster"
"Snoo VS Reddit Stalker More like... ***Alien VS Predator...*** **/o\**"
"[11am] Me: oh look, it's sunny out. Me: I should go running. Me: or swimming! Me: these Doritos are delicious."