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Joke of the Day

"Skrillex! It's your cousin Marvin. Marvin Skrillex! Know that sound you've been looking for? I think I found it! *holds phone up to blender*"

"Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble."

"Whats the difference between a fridge and a vagina? A fridge doesn't fart when you get the meat out."

"I heard some new music today and I can't be sure if I liked it or not. It was called Schrodinger Scat."

"The way I dealt with that unexpected cobweb to the face tells me I probably wouldn't have been much use in Vietnam."

"Earlier today I had a Titanic thought. It was *unthinkable*."

"""What's for dinner?"" Updog & chips. ""Does updog have gluten in it?"" No..wait..you're supposed to say... ""You know I can't have gluten Karen"""

"*closes twitter* *opens up instagram* *scrolls* *scrolls* *closes instagram* *opens up twitter*"

"What do you call a Muslim woman without a burka? Dead."

"Why does Hitler has a red phone? To make Phone calls..."