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Joke of the Day

"Me: Did you finish the banana bread? 16: yep Me: Great, because it was actually a healthy zucchini bread. 16: THIS HOUSE IS FULL OF LIES!"

"I went to Africa to help with the Ebola crisis. When I left, my mentor said thanks and told me that all of Africa was behind me. I instinctively reached for my wallet."

"What's the ultimate rejection? When you masturbate and your hand falls asleep."

"End a boring conversation by opening an umbrella in their face"

"Finding that one slob at the gym who's in worse shape than you is the best feeling. The worst is realizing ""he"" is a mirror."

"Do deaf people have a right to a fair hearing?"

"Some people have trouble sleeping... ...but I can do it with my eyes closed..."

"What does a mathematician do when he's constipated? He works it out with a pencil."

"When I kiss a girl, sometimes I dont know what to do with my hands, so I slow clap behind her head to make sure she knows I'm enjoying it."

"I found out today why my father never came home from the store.. The store had a no-return policy"