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Joke of the Day

"I've been ill with night terrors, nausea, dizziness, hunger pains, cry fits, and a stutter. According to Web MD, I have a date tonight."

"You know how you play Iranian bingo? A-10, B-52, F-22, C-130"

"I should become a proctologist After all I deal with assholes everyday!"

"Why are Nazis such bad DJs? Because they dont get the difference between 33 and 45."

"When I'm bored, I like to hold wedding ceremonies for my kitchen utensils. ""I now pronounce you pan and knife."""

"I accidentally earned a 3rd degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do the last time a bee flew near my face."

"Although it may be true that I don't have a lot of friends, I do however have a significant amount of strangers that don't bother me."

"If I got 50p for every time I failed a maths test I'd have about 6.30 by now"

"Why did an emo become an accountant? There's no cuts like tax cuts."

"We're like lazy revolutionaries who act only by posting lame comments on a public forum."