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Joke of the Day

"I found out today why my father never came home from the store.. The store had a no-return policy"

"Two wrongs don't make a right, but do you know what two Wrights make? An airplane."

"Did the depressed rope maker succeed? Sadly, he did knot."

"A cell's sister stepped on the cell's toe. ""Mitosis"""

"When people go underwater in movies, I sometimes like to hold my breath and see if I would survive in that situation. I died in Finding Nemo"

"If you had to choose between a billion dollars or world peace... how many bedrooms would your mansion have?"

"The best way to tell if a movie character is depressed is if there are a bunch of open chinese food containers sitting around"

"Why did the brother octopi look so alike? They were itentacle twins."

"SUBWAY EMPLOYEE: What would you like- ME: I'D LIKE TO CREATE A SHOW ABOUT DOGS COOKING PIZZAS SE: -on your sub? ME: PUPPERONI"

"A baseball player was hit in the head with a line drive yesterday... today he's more open-minded"