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Joke of the Day

"Finding that one slob at the gym who's in worse shape than you is the best feeling. The worst is realizing ""he"" is a mirror."

"20/20 asking Bobby Brown about his having sex with a ghost... "" What?! No, I'm sorry - I said it was a goat! """

"She said she was burning with desire, so I threw a bucket of water at her. Dating is bullshit."

"I need to get my spine removed.. It's been holding me back my whole life"

"Life is like toilet paper... you're either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole."

"A bird pooped on my head today...Am I gonna die? I mean, I'm kinda worried about getting sick from it but mostly I hope this made someone's day."

"What do you call a space alien in a hoodie? Treyvon Martian"

"what do you call a mexican on the moon ? an Astronaut you Racist"

"Went to dinner with a recovering alcoholic vegan who just quit smoking. Everything entering or leaving my mouth was offensive #WorstDateEver"

"Why can't you tell secrets in a corn field? ...because there are too many ears."