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Joke of the Day

"Imagine a giraffe. Now imagine the giraffe trying to get on a pool float. Now put my face on the giraffe. That's about right."

"A man walks into a bar... ...with a gun, and shouts, ""Who fucked my wife, I'm gonna kill him!"" Another man at the bar turns around and says ""You ain't got enough bullets mate!"""

"Who's the best person to invite over for Christmas? Charlie Sheen. Because you know it's GUARANTEED to be a white Christmas when he's around."

"I wrote a program to do my acounting It works really well, it said there are 3 in this sentence."

"""You know what, that's some ?.."" ""Calm down you're being irrational right now."""

"Friend: Can I borrow a pen? Me: Sure! *looks in purse* *pulls out perfume, 17 Hershey kisses, a stapler & a baby goat* Me: Sorry, no pen. :("

"Today somebody told me about a bear that climbs a mountain... ...But the story goes downhill from there."

"Save the whales Collect the whole set. seen on a bumper sticker in PDX"

"I decided when I turn 21 I'm only going to smoke cigarettes when I drink Guess I'm going to be an alcoholic"

"I went to a seafood disco last week... ...and pulled a mussel."