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Joke of the Day

"I've got 99 problems and they're all luftballons."

"What did one snowman say to the other snowman? Have an ice day. It's a bad one, I know."

"What was the Mathematician's Favorite Johnny Depp Movie? 's of the Carribean."

"WTF dude put your hands down I'm NOT robbing you I just enjoy wearing pantyhose on my face this is getting so old put $20 on pump 5 man"

"I don't mean to brag about my patience, but I just waited 5 whole seconds before passing a student driver and flicking them off."

"[spelling bee] Judge: Your word is McConaughey McConaughey. M-C-C-O-N-A-U-G-H-E-Y, McConaughey. Did I get it? Judge: We have no idea"

"I had 2 big surprises today. The first one was that the Thai massage centre at the bottom of my road is actually a brothel..."

"Two cannibals were eating a clown.... One turns to the other and asks, ""Hey, does this taste funny to you?"""

"How do you call a cross-dressing father of two? Transparent"

"I hate moving house... It means I have to go around telling all the neighbours I'm on the sex offenders register again. I'm not, but it sure keeps their kids out of the yard."