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Joke of the Day

"[spelling bee] Judge: Your word is McConaughey McConaughey. M-C-C-O-N-A-U-G-H-E-Y, McConaughey. Did I get it? Judge: We have no idea"

"What do you get when you cross a foot with cookware? Potato!"

"[me telling a joke] guy wearing a ""Make America Great Again"" hat: I don't understand. ME: There's probably a lot you don't understand."

"GENIE: you have three wishes ME: make math go away GENIE: ha ok that one's on the house ME: oh so I still get three wishes? GENIE: huh?"

"What did the Pirate say on his birthday? Ayy Matey"

"*hit man puts on silencer* *shoots gun* Gun: YOUR HAIR SMELLS NICE LIKE MY MOMS Wth? *looks at case* Oh I brought the awkward silencer"

"A girl with braces learned the hard way that she shouldn't laugh during a thunderstorm."

"When things are bad, remember: At least you're not as big an asshole as the guy who invented putting walnuts in chocolate chip cookies."

"God: One last thing before I let you in. Let's look at your Google search history. Me: I'll show myself out."

"Which rappers had a flow that could simultaneously speed up and slow down at the same time? MC Escher"