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Joke of the Day

"George Carlin appeared to me in a dream and asked me ""How can there be such a thing as a one-way street when you can obviously cross a street either way?"""

"I think self checkout was invented by a guy who had to buy tampons."

"An Apple store got robbed last night and $250,000 worth of equipment was stolen. Police are confident they can recover both the stolen machines."

"My wife has her period so I suggested swimming, beach volleyball and a horseback ride. She told me to piss off. Commercials are misleading."

"And the final rule of Fight Club is... ...just have fun and try your best."

"If at first you don't succeed, try drinking beer while you do it. You'll be amazed at how much less you care."

"How can you tell if a person's a vegan? Don't worry, they'll tell you."

"How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced? A buccaneer."

"Why is Unidan's current account called UnidanX? It's his tenth alt account."

"My wife says I act really immature and need to grow up I told her to get the hell out of my pillow fort with that negative attitude"