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Joke of the Day

"My wife says I act really immature and need to grow up I told her to get the hell out of my pillow fort with that negative attitude"

"Why didn't crab and lobster like to share? They were both two shellfish"

"An ostrich commits grand heresy against the empire. He is promptly ostrichized. No? ok."

"""This is your captain speaking"" ""AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING."""

"How did Harry Potter get down the hill? He walked. J.K................... Rowling"

"What do you call an animal with a long neck and a love for oranges? A Jiraffa."

"Everything is edible, some things are only edible once."

"As an Alzheimer's patient, this is my favorite joke on reddit"

"Did you hear about the sign language translator at Nelson Mandela's funeral? Neither did his audience."

"If your rice accidentally gets wet, you can dry it out overnight by placing it in a bowl of cellphones."