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Joke of the Day

"My wife says I act really immature and need to grow up I told her to get the hell out of my pillow fort with that negative attitude"

"Operator: 911 what's your emergency? Me: PEOPLE ARE TAGGING ME IN PICTURES ON FACEBOOK AND I'M NOT EVEN IN THEM!"

"WANTED: Someone to have my babies and carry on my family name. No strings attached. You can even keep the kids."

"How long does it take to reach the ground from 110 stories up? The rest of your life."

"Your plastic surgery looks amazing. Your rotting, lifeless corpse is going to look so young. The other corpses will be so jealous."

"why do black people only have nightmares? the only one ever to have a dream was shot."

"DirecTV/Spongebob Joke Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? I don't know I have DirecTV."

"The good thing about being tall is, you can't get lost in a crowd. The bad thing is, you can't get lost in a crowd."

"Donald Trump is really a proved racist and sexist, because... He beat a woman badly in his run for the presidency and threw a black family out of a white house..."

"My 5th grade teacher said my life would never be worth anything but my wife paid a homeless man $3 to kill me so suck it Mrs. Jacobsen"