44799

Joke of the Day

"If at first you don't succeed, try drinking beer while you do it. You'll be amazed at how much less you care."

"Q: Did you hear about the blonde who dropped out of nursing school? A: She was doing great until she found out she would have to perform the Hymenlick Manuever."

"RSVP: yes no yes now but then no later on"

"Try to think of a world without hypotheticals. You can't."

"What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang a painting..."

"Now I know why they call it Whole Foods. It took a whole hour to spend my whole paycheck and they can kiss my whole ass."

"Roy Hodgson has told the England squad that they'll have to tighten their belts next week. He also added that they should not remove them until the ""fasten seat belt"" sign goes out."

"[WP] You are an assassin in WWII trying to find a German defector on a U-boat. Unfortunately you got a little lost on the dock... Whoops, wrong sub."

"I still remember what my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket... ""How far do you think I can kick this bucket?!"""

"I saw on the news today that a dwarf got pickpocketed. I don't know how anyone could stoop so low!"