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Joke of the Day

"If at first you don't succeed, try drinking beer while you do it. You'll be amazed at how much less you care."

"kids r so cute!!! they dont wanna sleep becuase theyre afraid of having nightmares whereas adults cant wait to sleep so they can escape them"

"is thinking that with their track record, buying condoms at a BP station is just taking too big a risk!"

"How many optometrists does it take to change a lightbulb? 1 or 2. Now 1... or 2."

"When you get sloppy seconds and get her pregnant. You get a sloppy Joe."

"Yo mama so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!"

"It sucks how pizza doesn't grow back."

"I really want to drive private or hired cars. But I don't have anything to chauffeur it."

"What does the Queen put on her toast? Maamilade! Tada....... anyone? Anyone? I'll get my coat"

"Job interview Hiring manager: so, according to your resume you have listed ""can pee with a boner"" as a skill Me: yea bruh I guess u can say its kinda hard Manager: wow lol you're hired"