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Joke of the Day

"THERE ARE 7 BILLION PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. WHY WOULD YOU HAVE SEX WITH KITCHENWARE? Oh, that's not what pansexual means. Carry on then."

"So this girl makes her own hummus. We're in different tax brackets I'm guessing."

"Where do I see myself in 5 years? May 2019. Next question."

"Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail."

"What do you call a hard rock fan going through gender reassignment surgery? A transition metal."

"First I dated a seventh day adventist and then a mormon I told my mom that im not just in it for the sects but she doesn't believe me."

"What do you call it when a car full of Mexicans catches fire? Baked beans"

"Remember, if you gently caress a State Trooper's cheek they gotta let you go without a ticket."

"Twitter account is my serious account. The funny one is my bank account."

"Shot my first turkey today. Scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen foods section."