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Joke of the Day

"I was going to write a novel but I may just print out all my tweets and dedicate it to my parents not loving me enough."

"What's black and sits at the top of the stairs? Steven Hawking after a housefire"

"What should we call this giant advertising board? Phil: We should call it a Philboard. Bill: I have a better idea..."

"I organized a threesome last night There were a couple of no-shows, but I still had a great time."

"David Hasselhoff walks into a bar and says to the barman... ...""I want you to call me David Hoff"". The barman replies: ""Sure thing Dave... no hassle."""

"So embarrassing when the door's marked PUSH & you spend 5 minutes shattering all the glass"

"I am fed up with all these incest jokes about us Kentuckians. It's offensive to me as well as Uncle Dad."

"I thought I had swag once, turned out it was just a mosquito bite."

"What do you call fast food emergencies? Emergen-cheese. :3"

"You know that confused look old people get when looking at new technology? I'm like that, but with salad."