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Joke of the Day

"I am the designated driver of 5 40ish women attending a wine tasting. Your thoughts and prayers are appreciated during this difficult time."

"What did they suicidal news reporter say when they went on air? Lets get right into the noose."

"Who's the biggest bitch in a whole wide world? OPs mom"

"Why did black people pick so much cotton? Because we told them to."

"Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with ""obstruction of justice."" This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time."

"I think I want a job cleaning mirrors. It's something I could really see myself doing."

"What did the pastor say when his blanket rose up from his bed? ""Holy Sheet!"""

"What kind of sword is good for chopping up young girls? A cutlass."

"When I was young, you could go into a corner shop with 1 and come out with 2 cokes, 3 Freddos and a magazine. Nowadays, there's CCTV everywhere."

"So carrying a ""wet floor"" sign and putting it down immediately after using your best pickup line on a woman is frowned upon Dating is hard."