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Joke of the Day

"I am the designated driver of 5 40ish women attending a wine tasting. Your thoughts and prayers are appreciated during this difficult time."

"I promised myself to quit smoking once I graduated. So I dropped out."

"I used to date a girl that played softball... She dumped me because I wouldn't go to second base."

"IS your father in prison? If I was your father I would be in prison."

"The chef at my local Chinese restaurant had a nasty fall at work, and was so badly injured he had to give up his job. He'll never wok again."

"An Angel came to Mary ""She will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel. "" To which Mary replied, ""Yikes... I kinda already picked out Jesus"""

"discontinue use and talk to your doctor if you experience death, as this may be a sign of a more serious condition."

"I am so used to automatic doors at work that when I come across one I have to physically open I just stand there like a dummy"

"actually, all of my sons are named after guns. you got gunden, gunley, bungun, gunch, and this here is gun junior"

"Whenever my children question my knowledge on any subject, I just remind them that their mother is older than the Internet."