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Joke of the Day

"When I was young, you could go into a corner shop with 1 and come out with 2 cokes, 3 Freddos and a magazine. Nowadays, there's CCTV everywhere."

"We sent you an email, please check... please check your junk... Mail."

"What's the difference between jam and jelly? I can't jelly my dick down your throat."

"How many /r/twoxchromosomes posters does it take to change a lightbulb? Ten. 1 to screw in the lightbulb, and the other 9 to provide emotional support."

"There is a 'you can kill them if you catch them within a minute' rule on people who wake you up. EVERYONE knows that. *sharpening knife*"

"She asked for my name, if I'm alone, had me remove belt/shoes & take out what I have in my pants. Interactions w/TSA agents are underrated."

"What's the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and Sarah Palin's vagina? Only one fifth of what comes out of her vagina is retarded."

"Hey guys I found an iPhone 6s If it's yours contact me. I still need the charger!"

"*Girl opens Xmas present* ""Why'd you get me carrots and lettuce?"" ""Wait but that means-"" *Hamster at home wearing glorious diamond earrings*"

"Why a man would want a wife is a big mystery to some people. Why a man would want two wives is a bigamystery."