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Joke of the Day

"That kid didn't really find a lost Mayan city. The sites that promoted the story? I guess they'll issue a... Maya culpa."

"Someone stole my identity. And then sent it back with $100 and a note that said ""So sorry man. Hope things work out."""

"My college girlfriend texted me for the first time in 10 years this weekend and I'm 1 million percent sure this is Adele's fault"

"Why can't Chinese emperors commit murder? Because it's irregal"

"What do women and stones have in common? You skip the flat ones."

"ME: need help? GIRL (having car trouble): could u give me a jump ME: *inflating the bounce house I keep in my trunk* I thought u'd never ask"

"How do crabs get out of hospitals? On crotches."

"I heard a chemistry joke the other day... I heard a chemistry joke the other day, it was sodium funny I slapped my neon that one."

"one of these days, johnny depp's scarves are going to rise up and destroy him"

"Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem."