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Joke of the Day

"Why can't Chinese emperors commit murder? Because it's irregal"

"TIL that Harriet Tubman sought a monthly pension of $25 a month for services in the civil war ,but was only awarded $20. 100+ years later we're still only giving her a $20."

"Yeah, I'm basically a Pokemaster. *waves vaguely at shelves of confused squirrels in partially sealed Tupperware containers*"

"As a janitor, you wouldn't believe the shit I have to clean up. http://m.imgur.com/cjYphZQ"

"White Girl What do a white girl and a tampon have in common? They're both stuck up cunts."

"Why did the python return his pants? They were too constricting."

"Why is r/Jokes only text, and forbids external links? Because black people can't be offended if they're only reading jokes."

"I hate it when I hear someone joke about the Holocaust. It's just wrong. Anne Frankly, I won't stand for it."

"Why did the pro football player from the last-place team drop pieces of hamburger into his soup? He wanted to know how it felt to take part in a Soup-er Bowl!"

"My girlfriend told me she was retaining water and gaining weight... I told her not to sweat it."