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Joke of the Day

"Twitter...because if it can't be described in 140 characters or less, did it really ever happen?"

"What did the girl with no arms get for Christmas? We don't know; she hasn't opened her presents yet."

"I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That's 7 years in a row now."

"""Good morning, Urology Department... Can you hold?"""

"A big difference between men and women Is what comes to mind when the word 'facial' is used."

"6.8 billion people in the world and I just had to make my own sandwich."

"What's more fun than nailing dead babies to a wall? Scraping them back off"

"I like my coffee like I like my women. Cock full o' nuts."

"You in the crosswalk: I stopped for you. I stopped. I'm stopped. I won't unstop. Don't look at me. Just walk. Go. For the love of God."

"Soulja boy was sent to the hospital, what department was he sent to? He was sent to I C UUUUUUUU! ...yes that happened."