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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a group of Mexicans doing work? Manuel labour."

"I got my car crime-colored. It's black on black."

"How many dead babies can fit inside a Bio-dumpster? 16."

"I miss the days before the internet, when you didn't know some person's every awful thought until they died and you cleaned out their attic."

"[phone rings] ""Hello?"" Hi, is your refrigerator running? ""WTF?"" ...well Hillary is! Hi, I'd like to talk to you about the Clinton campaign."

"I make more money than Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerburg combined And all I do is work at the U.S. Mint"

"A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them."

"I got a tattoo in memory of MH370... You'll never find it."

"I wake up easy most of the time, but every now and then, I wake up hard."

"Jesus knock tentatively on God's door, enters, and God says..... Now lets go through this one more time....What exactly did you tell them again?"