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Joke of the Day

"The lady next door ran over my cat. She said she'd replace it, so I asked her how good she was at catching mice. Courtesy of Mary Poppins."

Next Joke
 
"What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? The holocaust"
"What's a good thing about a novelist conman? He may have a lot of cons, but he also has a lot of prose."
"Two Tomatos A father tomato and son tomato were walking down the street. The son was falling behind so the father turned around and **STOMPED** on his son. ""**KETCHUP!**"""
"[Sirens] Dude open the door! *barricading* How do i know you're not 1 of them?! Were you bit?! What?! Do you not know what a hurricane is?"
"Obama keeps trying to get me to kiss this top secret document from Syria but I keep telling him I'm not the kinda guy who'll kiss intel"
"How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? That's not funny"
"Rabbit: Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me? Doctor: Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another."
"Why did the boy close his eyes before opening the refrigerator? He didn't want to see the salad dressing."
"Calm down, Windows Update. I'll restart my computer during work time."