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Joke of the Day

"ANY voicemail left by the elderly starts off with 2 minutes of ""HELLO? HELLO?"" and ends with them trying to dial another number."

"When does a hunger strike stop? When hunger strikes."

"It would be cheaper if they used oak instead of silicone in boob jobs.. Wooden tit?"

"What has a mouth but never speaks, Has a bed but never sleeps, And has legs but never walks? &nbsp; A mute, crippled insomniac"

"Talking Dirty What did the Italian wife say during sex? Pasta, pasta! What did the Indian wife say during sex? Curry, curry!"

"ooh n aah Q whats the difference between ooh and aah? A About 3 inches."

"""I like cooking my family and my pets."" Use commas. Don't be a psycho."

"[scrabble] BATMAN: pass SUPERMAN: again? BATMAN: can't spell anything SUPERMAN: *rubbing temples* not every word has to start with BAT"

"You say kidnapping. I say surprise adoption. Tomato, Tomahto Get in the van."

"I hate how much time my kids spend staring at their iPads. I wish they'd look up once in a while & pay attention to me staring at my iPhone."