213979

Joke of the Day

"Rabbit: Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me? Doctor: Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another."

"What Leonidas told his 300 after they got surrounded. Guys, it's a wipe. (World of Warcraft reference)"

"Pen A doctor reaches into his smock to get a pen to write a prescription and pulls out a rectal thermometer. ""Oh, damn it,"" he proclaims, ""Some asshole has my pen!"""

"A watched pot never boils. The same is also true if you forget to turn the burner on apparently."

"Heading home early on a Friday to enjoy some quality wifi time"

"To my future wife: When I die I want you to mix my ashes in a bowl of chilli from wendi's, then eat it. Just so I can tear that ass up one more time."

"How does Donald Trump plan to silence the terrorists? Muzzle 'em"

"Sometimes I bring maracas to a meeting just to shake things up."

"If I show you a picture on my phone and you start scrolling, I'm gonna stab you."

"What did the Buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison."