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Joke of the Day

"I am quite ambitious every morning. I always do 10 sit-ups, just to hit the snooze button 10 times."

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"Your love is like Vicodin. You take away my pain but make me sick to stomach afterwards and you're also white."
"If Zombies ever switch to eating souls, I'll have the last laugh on everyone whoever made fun of me for being a Ginger"
"What sound does a piano make when falling down a mine shaft? A-flat minor."
"I was so happy when I got my first pubic hair! But instantly saddened when I realized it was just my penis :(..."
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"Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? Doctor: ""I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."" Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"" Doctor: ""Nine."""
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"JELLYFISH: *to friend* Want to see something disgusting? Watch this. *stings person* FRIEND: That wasn't dis... JELLYFISH: Wait a minute."
"I'm so sick of people looking at me funny because I choose to breast feed. If I wanna get my milk straight from the cow, then that's up to me."