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Joke of the Day

"Your love is like Vicodin. You take away my pain but make me sick to stomach afterwards and you're also white."

"[therapy] HIM: Should we talk about the elephant in the room? ME: I don't like to talk about him ELEPHANT: Ok wow I'm like right here man"

"Go down a water slide without water and you'll understand why foreplay is so important."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? The Road done him a bad turn."

"In Catholicism, souls have mass."

"You can tell the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky... Otherwise they would've called it a teethbrush!"

"Threesome? No Thanks! If I wanted to dissapoint two people at once I would just have dinner with my parents"

"Seeing as you guys are liking these at the moment, What's the difference between a goldfish and a goat? One mucks around in fountains."

"Cute waiter: Hi, what can I get for you? Me: *accidentally barks*"

"What's the opposite of irony? Wrinkly."