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Joke of the Day

"I'm so sick of people looking at me funny because I choose to breast feed. If I wanna get my milk straight from the cow, then that's up to me."

"Why was Chic-Fil-A founded? So that the choir boys could get more meat in their mouth besides the Reverend."

"Please stop telling me how you wish you had my curly hair. You don't know the struggle of waking up looking like Mufasa."

"One could say that Brexit has been ... ... quite secessful."

"The judge gave me 7 days to live... So I shot myself. The doctor gave me 4 months. Problem solved. B)"

"My new coloring book, How To Tell The Woman You Love You've Been Living In Her Shrubs For A Year, comes out on tUESsdhay martha i love you"

"How do you know its noon on an Apple Watch? The screen stays black when you check the time."

"ME: I'm off to that meeting BOSS: Forget something? M: Yes! [kisses boss gently on forehead] B: I meant your pen [whispers] but thank you"

"It's like my Mom used to say, always keep a positive pregnancy test around in case you need to ruin a man's life."

"Turns out that when asked which was my favourite of all the X-Men that ""Caitlyn Jenner"" was not a valid answer."