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Joke of the Day

"You know a girl is mad when she starts off her sentence saying, ""I just find it funny how..."" because there's a 99.9% chance she did not find it funny."

"Whats black and sits at the top of the stairs? A paraplegic in a house fire."

"Why are pills white? Because they work."

"Where did the terrorist go after the explosion? Everywhere.."

"I've never been booed off stage. I've never been booed off stage! Sure, I've been booed on stage plenty of times... but never off stage. In honor of Mitch Hedberg. RIP."

"Boss: Are you high? Me: [trying to photocopy a dog] are you a cop?"

"What do you call four bees?? ....Be-fore"

"Did you guys know the majority is always right? Except slavery"

"I almost had a three sum last night. I just needed two more people."

"What does a storm cloud have on beneath its clothes? Thunderwear!"