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Joke of the Day

"My daughter just said, ""Daddy, you're good looking & not fat like other dads."" She's only 10, but we're headed to the BMW dealership now."

"I hate three things in this world: math"

"2 guys walk into a bar... ... the third one ducks."

"If attacked by a mob of clowns Go for the juggler"

"What did the oyster say when the monster broke into his home? Shucks"

"My workout schedule: 1. Run half mile 2. 10 reps of 5 lb. hand weights 3. 35 year break 4. Protein shake 5. Repeat"

"Some one gave me a broken knife 3 days ago. I didn't get the point."

"What do you do when someone has an epileptic fit in the bathtub Throw in your dirty laundry"

"Me: Who ate all the cookies? 5-year-old: Ninjas. Me: I didn't see them. 5-year-old: No one ever does. Checkmate."

"Dove: ..then he called me a fat pigeon! [sobs] Prince: ""There there, cry it out"" [starts recording] Um, you are a therapist, right? ""Sure"""