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Joke of the Day

"Me: Who ate all the cookies? 5-year-old: Ninjas. Me: I didn't see them. 5-year-old: No one ever does. Checkmate."

"I kinda want one of those priest collar thingys. If it gets me through airport security fast AND keeps kids away from me. I'm in."

"Did you know Yao Ming had a dog? He had a dog before every NBA game."

"Why did the programmer get a job working with big data when his wife died? He just needed a little bit of Clojure."

"Alzheimer's joke Knock knock Who's there? To get to the other side!"

"Where do blind parrots go for treatment? The Birds Eye counter!"

"What's a riot? Three dyslexics."

"How many dancers does it take to change a lightbulb? 5,6,7,8"

"""Alright, now who's ready to fuck and get some fiber?!"" - Keynote Speaker at the 'Fuck 'N Fiber' Convention"

"I don't really suffer from insomnia. It's more of an all-night panic attack about everything that has and hasn't yet occurred in my life."