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Joke of the Day
"What did the oyster say when the monster broke into his home? Shucks"
Next Joke
"I'm watching 'Dexter' for inspiration. Entertainment. I meant entertainment."
"Instead of saying ""I lost 35 pounds"", say, ""I lost half a super-model"""
"I wanted cats. My wife wanted kids. So we got a dog."
"*Approaches a guy reading ""Catch Me If You Can""* I love that book. The way he just *clenches fist* catches all those freakin' cans."
"What is life like for a wood worm ? Boring !"
"[hospital] DOCTOR: Your wife signed a DNR ME: I'm here for a sprained ankle DOCTOR: She insisted"
"""911 what's your emergency"" IM DYING ""what happened"" I GOT STABBED LIKE 3 TIMES ""lol pics or didn't happen"""
"Pizza is like prostitution You pay for it, it comes over to your house, and then you eat it"
"What's better than winning a gold medal at the Paralympics? Walking"