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Joke of the Day

"My workout schedule: 1. Run half mile 2. 10 reps of 5 lb. hand weights 3. 35 year break 4. Protein shake 5. Repeat"

"Grammar is super important.. Because I don't want to be the mayor of fucking Austria. I want to be the mayor of [Fucking, Austria.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fucking,_Austria)"

"How to tell someone they have a bad breath nicely ? ""Oh boy I am bored lets brush our teeth"""

"A truly historic day. Thousands of women at a mall.. and no shoe sale."

"in hindsight, ms. frizzle taking a bus of children inside of an unsuspecting person was not ok. one of those rascals peed in his body."

"You really dropped the ball today Ted. You're fired. ""Please, no. I can try harder."" You operate a wrecking crane, man. People died."

"Whats 1+0? Babies"

"How can you pick out the prostitute in the miss America pageant. She's the one wearing the sash that says Idaho."

"*Attempts to give a Homeless guy change* Him: Thanks. You never know, one day my situation might be you. Me: Really? *holds on to change*"

"Outsmarting Teacher PUPIL: ""Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?"" TEACHER:"" Of course not."" PUPIL: ""Good, because I haven`t done my homework."""