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Joke of the Day

"I'm really worried what will happen if Donald Trump runs as a third party candidate. I'm afraid there will be hell toupee."

"*rips finished page from adult coloring book* *puts it on daughter's toy kitchen fridge*"

"'Bout to get white girl wasted (drink 3 dirty martini's, squeal about loving everyone, eat chicken fingers & vomit)."

"What do grandparents smell like? ""Depends"""

"It's all because of a misunderstanding. Jared told his buddies that he was going off the Subway diet and he asked them what he should eat. They said to have a Little Debbie."

"I'm starting a career by putting bombs in prayer mats I think prophets will go through the roof"

"I had a dream last night that I was a muffler Boy, did I wake up exhausted!"

"Just saw a homeless guy yelling at his shadow. You know what that means right? SIX MORE WEEKS OF RECESSION!"

"I like my girls like my nails Hammered"

"I fucked up making my coffee today \#nofilter"