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Joke of the Day

"People don't approve when I run up to them in the street & try to make plaster casts of their faces. At least that's the impression that I get."

"I'm not racist. I treat everybody like they're black."

"Didn't think these orthopedic shoes would work, but I stand corrected."

"Girl, are you expansionary monetary policy? Because my Aggregate Demand is growing."

"I took a selfie after my kidney removal surgery hashtag nofilter"

"The generic brand Kool-Aid Man just walks into walls and mutters ""whatever"" and tries to steal your wallet."

"Why did the woman cross the road? Never mind that, what the fuck is she doing out of the kitchen?"

"What do you get when you cross a Mexican with an octopus? I dunno, but you should see that son of a bitch hang dry wall."

"Just saw a guy wearing sunglasses on the back of his head practicing his golf swing empty-handed. Hope my daughter's a lesbian."

"California is the best state. The nerds make the apps and the agents make the moving pictures. We keep the idiots happy. Give us your water."