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Joke of the Day

"I'm not racist. I treat everybody like they're black."

"How many spiders does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two."

"Pavlov is sitting in a bar when a phone rings. He jumps of his chair and yells - ""Damn, I forgot to feed the dogs"""

"[planning heist] Me: We'll need the element of surprise. Neil deGrasse Tyson: [appears] Actually, such an element does not exist. Hi, I'm Ne"

"Getting to know someone is a lot like making toast; don't do it in the bathtub."

"A long time ago, I learned the importance of just being myself. I think the world would be a better place if everyone would just be myself."

"He told me I was too pretty not to smile. So I flipped him off, tackled him and shoved my middle finger up his nose. Now I'm smiling."

"What happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your truck back, you get your house back, you get your girl back, and you get your dog back."

"The doctor tells his patient, ""Well, I can't find anything wrong with you. I suspect the problem is heavy drinking."" The patient asks, ""Should I come back when you've sobered up?"

"What did the werewolf say when he got shot with a silver bullet? Oooooooowwwwwwwwwwoooooooooooo. He howled while saying ow pretty much"