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Joke of the Day

"Didn't think these orthopedic shoes would work, but I stand corrected."

"Mom called to ask if I'd take her shopping. Me: What time? Mom: Anytime between 1-4. Apparently my Mom works for the cable company now."

"What's the similarity between video games and roulette? Very fun until it goes Russian."

"How do you know you're on the phone with a meth head? When comcast puts them on hold and they don't hang up"

"What's sometimes white, sometimes red and sometimes brown? My dick."

"The average male only lives to 25... It just takes 45 years to bury them."

"You think you have your anger issues under control until someone starts telling an important story while they're chewing"

"I'm giving up, folks. Years of letters and phone calls making my case quite articulately but they still won't give the Muppets nipples."

"Why did the frog cross the road.... Because he was taped to the chicken."

"I was told that at birth I had a choice between perfect memory or a big penis. ""I fucking remember"" i replied"