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Joke of the Day

"How do you identify a vegan at a party? You don't, they come and tell you"

"If you like someone, pretend they're a charger and you're an iPhone on 1%. Run to them. Grab them. Plug them in. Wait, I lost the metaphor."

"It's comforting to know that the US government works the same way as a college student when it comes to deadlines... They both wait until the last minute, then get an extension."

"Q: What happened to the Irishman who tried to kill himself by .swallowing 100 pain killers? A: After two he began to feel better."

"If you worked for a tarp company your unveiling would be a cover up."

"Do nomads ever get angry?"

"What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? He wiped."

"How do Jedi plan for retirement? With a Hoth IRA. I'll see myself out."

"Tech guy says: ""When in doubt reboot. "" Okay, I've rebooted but i still don't see how my boots have ANYTHING to do with a computer."

"At what point does CPR become necrophilia? When you both get hard."