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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a knighted cow? Sir Loin"

"Before they built this Trader Joe's, there was just an empty field with wild shoppers politely blocking each other's way"

"The head of the 2016 Somali Olympic squad has apologized to officials on behalf of their team... ...after realizing shooting and sailing were two separate events."

"""Sobbing"" autocorrected to ""throbbing"" and now my attempt at showing my sensitive side has taken a very different direction."

"[desert island diary - day 1] 4:15 pm: Got one call out of my cell phone before it died. Now I wait. 5:25 pm: That pizza is definitely free"

"Great! I just wet my pants. Now people are gonna think I spilled my drink on myself."

"What do you call two rows of cabbages ? A dual cabbageway !"

"*decides to workout* *lays on ground to do sit-up* *find skittle on ground* *eats it* *takes nap*"

"Where do hogs keep their money? In piggy banks."

"I think I ate too much salmon over Christmas I just tried to run up an escalator that was going down."