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Joke of the Day

"Things a raccoon and I have in common: 1) Dark circles around the eyes. 2) Likes eating junk. 3) We're both cute but will kill you."

"If vampires like the taste of blood so much they should floss."

"Did you hear about the Italian Chef with terminal cancer? He pastaway."

"I went to high five Robin Williams he left me hanging"

"What are a parrot's favourite literary characters? Mr Macawber and Pollyanna!"

"Prostitutes in Amsterdam are very demanding... The last one I went with made me wash my Old Man in the sink! Can't even remember why I took Dad in the first place."

"I peed in an ocean, but I'm not going to tell you which one - you're going to have to take your chances."

"Looking back on Britain's 2016. The year most middle aged men went from wanting to fuck Nigella to wanting to fuck Nigel up."

"How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh? Ten tickles"

"The blond girl and the car What did the blond girl say when she saw the car? Answer: That's the lost one right there."