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Joke of the Day

"gave my wife a pedicure just so I could write in my diary ""I nailed her...10 TIMES IN A ROW"". Ha ha, jokes on you, Masculinity."

"Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field"

"Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? Because demons are a ghoul's best friend."

"The last time people got so upset over a cup.. It involved two girls."

"When I first saw you from across the room, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life avoiding you."

"So I was using a zester on a lemon recently, when I paused for a second and realised... ..that I was only just scratching the surface."

"I heard Steven Spielberg is directing a film about a fat alien... It's called ""Eat-T, The Extra Cholesterol""."

"What do you call it when a toaster eats a toaster Cannatoasterlism"

"I saw a guy at the beach yelling ' Help! Shark! Help!' I just laughed at him... I knew that shark wasn't going to help him."

"Summing up my life in 5 words: 'I fail at maths'"