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Joke of the Day

"What do you have when life gives you melons? Dyslexia."

"My 10 yr old thinks I expect too much out of her. I told her we could discuss it when she gets home from work."

"Made a weird face in the mirror this morning and I looked like Ted Cruz. This is my suicide note."

"What do you call a joke on drugs? Highlarious"

"[ouija board] How are you feeling? *board begins spelling* O-O-E-Y--G-O-O-E-Y What the!? A cheesy board!? G-O-U-D-A--G-U-E-S-S"

"There is no ""i"" in ""team,"" but there is a lot of ""alcohol"" in my ""fridge"" because I enjoy abusing my liver."

"what's going on with people who are mad at movies that last longer than 90 minutes but happily watch an entire season of TV in one day"

"The Past, the Present and the Future walk into a bar... It was *tense*."

"I got fired from my last job for arranging the vegetables into sexual position Apparently that's ""misconduct"" for a special needs teacher."

"When you pass gas loudly in a crowded room, everyone should applaud... That takes some guts."