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Joke of the Day
"A spider the size of a golf ball is in my kitchen so I guess this is my last tweet."
Next Joke
"How did Harry Potter get down the hill? By walking...... JK Rowling"
"What song do pigs sing on New Year's Eve? Auld Lang Swine."
"Me: I'm so over him Vodka: No you're not, you should text him Me: Really? Vodka: Yes! 25 times"
"Q: How many Taureans does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One but just *try* to convince them that the burnt out bulb is useless and should be thrown away."
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
"What is The Mountain's favorite tri-cep workout? (Spoilers) Skull crushers"
"What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheel chair."
"Everything in earthquake-prone areas should be built on top of a giant Tempurpedic mattress."
"What does a shopping cart and a wheelchair have in common? They both can be used to carry vegetables...."