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Joke of the Day

"What does a shopping cart and a wheelchair have in common? They both can be used to carry vegetables...."

"I just got punched by my friend for trying to kiss his new baby on the forehead. Apparently, I have to wait for the baby to be born first."

"Why can lesbians leave town faster than gay men? A lesbian can just lickitey-split, a gay man has to pack his shit first."

"Read more Accountant jokes"

"I hate being bipolar. It's awesome"

"Kim Jong Un is 30, runs a dictatorship, executes ex-girlfriends, and openly threatens to annihilate the US. What am I doing with MY life?"

"After progressively lifting heavier weights, I was finally able to squat 600 pounds. Unfortunately, all that money still weighs less than a kilo."

"I'm coming out with a new type of whiskey called cunt... So when someone asks me what i want to drink I'll yell cunt liquor."

"How'd the monkey fall out of the tree. He was dead. How'd the next second monkey fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the first monkey! How'd the Third monkey fall out of the tree. Peer Pressure."

"All these Email scams must make it hard for Legitimate Nigerian Royalty to share large sums of cash with strangers!"