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Joke of the Day

"Sorry I pretended I was drowning so you could see how incredible my hair looked underwater."

"For Halloween, I'm going out as ""gay wedding"" ... ... it seems that billions of people are scared of it!"

"They say if your erection lasts... They say if your erection lasts more than 4 hours that you should call a doctor... I say you should tell your wife to call some friends!"

"TIFU by sleeping with my Crush Now there's orange soda all over my bed. :("

"What has 100 teeth and keeps Godzilla at bay? My zipper"

"Mules... are SO half-assed."

"My girlfriend made a call during sex... She let me know she was having a great time and she'd be home soon. Thought that was sweet."

"What was Helen Keller's dog's name? Uuuuuueeeeuuuuhhhh!!!"

"*man lies on death bed* But it can't be my time. I have...so much more...constructive criticism to give..."

"[hs reunion] JANE: i'm an engineer TOM: i'm a real estate developer AMY: i'm a lawyer *everyone looks at me* ME: *panics* i'm a hospital"