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Joke of the Day
"What's the best way to reheat turkey? Nuke it."
Next Joke
"Relationship status: held a door open for a girl, so she used the other one"
"WIFE: Don't be scared of him. Tell your boss you quit. ME: Ok, I will. [later that day] ME: I quit BOSS: WHAT?? ME: I said, nice squid"
"A Cuban, a Canadian, and a White Supremacist walks into a bar... The bartender asks ""What'll you have Senator Cruz?"""
"I noticed you're eating that bag of popcorn one piece at a time. So how many people have you murdered?"
"Dance like no one's a werewolf. Eat like you found it in the couch. Shout like your cat's sleeping. Feel good like a bossy poem told you to."
"Chalant isn't even a word. Well played nonchalant. Well played."
"WebMD would be more accurate if every search result diagnosed you as a hypochondriac."
"I like my women how I like my whiskey... 12 years old and mixed up with coke."
"What do doctors do with the foreskins from circumcisions? Sell them to gay guys as chewing gum."