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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: Don't be scared of him. Tell your boss you quit. ME: Ok, I will. [later that day] ME: I quit BOSS: WHAT?? ME: I said, nice squid"

"Where do internet pirates get their loot? From pier to pier."

"What was Lincoln's worst decision as President? He should have asked for a table, instead of a Booth"

"Despite the rumors, I actually don't have a problem with the new $20.... This country has a long history of trading black people for other goods."

"Mary had a little sheep and with the sheep she went to sleep. The sheep turned out to be a ram so Mary had a little lamb."

"If you say a number loud enough its value increases. * 5 = 5 * 5! = 120"

"So I taught my Grandad how to use skype ... Is it buffering or is he having a stroke?"

"Lately I go to the restroom at the movies, but forget where I'm seated then return & just begin a new life in a new seat with a new family."

"I'm so grateful to the teacher who defined the word ""plethora"" for me... It meant a lot."

"The South is a magical place. It has the most wizards."