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Joke of the Day

"I noticed you're eating that bag of popcorn one piece at a time. So how many people have you murdered?"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Bert ! Bert who ? Bert the dinner !"

"I save a ton of money on teeth whitening by not smiling."

"Why were the two homosexual melons protesting at city hall? Because they cantaloupe"

"I hate when the urinal auto-flushes while I'm still using it. Did I just cease to exist? Am I back now? If not, where am I peeing?"

"The Insurmountable problem by Major Setback"

"According to my Nike fuel band I masturbated 5 miles today."

"Pro tip: If he pretends he can't hear you, talk some shit about his mother."

"*slips on a banamna peel* *lifts up banamna peel w/ end of pen* somone get the detective,. somwhere out there, theres a nude banana"

"Why did the mexican push his wife off the cliff? Because he wants tequila. Literally."