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Joke of the Day

"What do Augusto Pinochet and New Guns n Roses have in common? They've both committed atrocities in South American stadiums."

"If I was an operating system, your process would have top priority."

"""And why do you want to work at the aquarium?"" * imagines me with a mermaid tail swimming in the giant tank after hours* I like fish"

"I'm convinced that Santa is so jolly because he knows where all the naughty girls live."

"Donald Trump is like a marshmallow... He's easy to roast, a little orange on top, catches fire easily, and will melt down when he gets under too much heat."

"Double Joke Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. ---------------------------------- ""Knock knock"" ""Who's there?"" ""Not Sally!"""

"It's like my Mom always said FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW:"

"So Obama's leaving, and Trump is going into office I orange really is the new black."

"[i start thinking about an imminent problem] Hmm this is unpleasant. I better address this situation by not thinking about it anymore"

"When a guy wearing cargo pants hits on me I'm tempted to go out with him just to see how many of my belongings I can fit into his pockets."