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Joke of the Day

"The nurse who can smile when things go wrong is probably going off duty."

"What is a virgin's least favorite fruit? Cantaloupe"

"What did the leper say to the prostitute? Keep the tip!!"

"It's normal to have conflicting feelings on Columbus Day. True, he discovered the Greatest Nation on Earth, but he also supported Obamacare."

"My ex-girlfriend's star sign was cancer. It is quite ironic how she died.... .... she was killed by a giant crab."

"Why does Arnold Schwarzenegger kill insects? Because he's an ex-terminator"

"I accidentally gave my newborn Muscle Milk instead of formula and now he's blasting Pantera and doing one arm pull-ups off his crib"

"TIFU by paying $7.99 a month to Hulu Plus instead of Netflix... Whoops, wrong sub."

"I remember lying in bed as a kid, waiting for Santa to come... Then there was awkward silence as he got dressed and left."

"An Eskimo is holidaying in New Zealand.. His car breaks down. A Kiwi stops to help, opens the bonnet, and says ""Bro, you've blown a seal"" To which the Eskimo responds ""so what mate, you fuck sheep!"""