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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: why do we even need a gun in the house ME: *fires off 8 rounds just to kill a spider* that's why"

"A policeman and a prisoner play chess. The policeman beats him."

"Remember these two words. They will open up the doors in your life. Push and pull"

"What pick-up line works 100% of the time? Does this smell like chloroform to you?"

"What are the sexiest farm animals? Brown chicken, Brown cow!"

"I was nervous my first day in, so I walked up to the toughest guy in the cafeteria and knocked him out... but I lost my job as a middle school teacher"

"What cause of death did the doctor give for a patient whom died after staring at a woman's behind? assfixation"

"What does OP and DiGiorno have in common?"

"If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language? An American."

"""That's nice dear."" -Grandmas version of ""cool story bro."""