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Joke of the Day

"I'm like a clogged toilet. I DON'T TAKE SHIT FROM NO ONE."

"""What the FUCK is going on?!?!?"" - the Moon (July 21, 1969)"

"Saw a man at the beach yelling ""HELP! SHARK! HELP!!!"" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him."

"Due to a mix up my cat ended up in a beauty contest and not at the vet. To my surprise she apparently won some gimmick trophy for fluffiest butt. It was a real *catastrophe.*"

"Does everyone have a weird Facebook acquaintance that comments on all their shit, or is it just me?"

"Hello 911? I was doing that thing where you pretend to walk down stairs behind a couch only it worked. I have no idea where I am. Help me."

"Nick Kroll and Amy Poehler are moving to France to start a family... They want a house full of French Krollers."

"What did the little acorn say when it got planted and grew up? Geometry."

"What was the old lady's favourite type of wine? ""Why don't you ever take me to Florida?"" Courtesy of my Nana."

"A family walks into a hotel The father goes to the front desk and says ""I hope the porn is disabled."" The guy at the desk replies. ""It's just regular porn you sick fuck."""